I read once that the first chapter Margaret Mitchell wrote of Gone With the Wind was the last one. The ‘My dear, I don’t give a damn,’ part.
What the rest of the story then becomes, is a tale of how they became the people they are in that scene. All the joys and sorrows that had lead them to that one place.
Everyone right now is talking of mindfulness, living in the moment, being present.
But what if you’re the kind of person who just has to leave the moment and sneak a peak at the last page?
Not because I worry that I’ll die without finding out the ending. I doubt very much my last thoughts would be, ‘Damn, I never found out who did it / whether they got together / if they neutralised the bomb.’
Just because I like to know how things will turn out. Somehow it makes everything in between more real, more exciting. And this is only if I’m reading a really good book that I’ve completely lost myself in. If it’s a story I’m struggling with and characters I don’t care about, I really couldn’t care less how it turns out for them. My dear, I don’t give a damn.
And then there’s life.
If there’s one thing I can’t sneak a peak at, it’s the last page.
That just annoyed me sometimes. Not knowing how a new job / new relationship / new interest / new home would turn out.
Then I went to lay birthday flower on my grandmother’s grave.
But it’s not just her grave. It’s the communal grave in Rudkøbing churchyard. If you’ve read my book, you’ll know all about Rudkøbing. (Here’s a link to Amazon – shameless self promotion). It’s the grave for those who did not want plots of their own or had no family plots to go to. The identify of everyone here is known, and when I was last here someone new had just been buried.
But this is where the story ends.
This is where my great-grandparents are buried. Where my grandparents are buried. And where my uncle (who always had to be different) has his own little plot just beside them.
And this is where I am going one day.
This I know. This I have decided. Which means I know how it ends. I have sneaked a look at the last page.
All I have to do now, is make sure I write an exciting, passionate and joyous story so I have lots to tell the ones I have loved and lost when I rejoin them. Knowing the end, allows me to be completely alive in the present.
Am I religious?
No. I’m an agnostic bordering on an atheist.
But I know I will see them again.
I know the ending.